Appreciative of every moment

I was just thinking…if I died tomorrow of this cancer or of any other event, I’d have to say that I would have loved how I spent my last months:

• aware, awake, being able to see God in all the details and people of my life,
• able and strong enough to go for beautiful walks,
• comfortable in my body and eating foods that are full of life,
• feeling happiness in every cell of my body a few times a day,
• being grateful and in awe of all the circumstances that make my life easier right now,
• being aware of when discomfort comes and being able to see it flow away as I ask for help from God and my spiritual helpers,
•  learning more and more about the stuff of life…

…and being appreciative of every moment of life I was given.

The Three Healing Paths

“Heal yourself – your physical and spiritual bodies. Regenerate yourself with light, and then help those who have poverty of the soul. Return to the inner spirit, which we have abandoned while looking elsewhere for happiness.” – Willaru Huayta, QUECHUA NATION, PERU

I have just returned from 2 weeks at the Casa de Dom Inacio in Abadiânia, visiting Medium João de Deus (John of God). While there, I received some answers to lingering questions I still had about my choice of treatment for the cancer. Although I have heard that it is very common that the entities that speak through Medium João are very clear and direct in their answers, saying things such as:

1. Get radio and chemo,
2. Go operate immediately, or
3. Don’t operate now.

With me, as it is with everyone, the entity gave me the exact answer I needed to hear, as irritating as it seemed:

“I’ll give you the intuition.”

Doubt has always been my most annoying trait, and it has shown its colors many times since my body was diagnosed. Not surprising that an important element of my healing is finding my faith and the ability to listen to my inner wisdom.

In my next 3 posts I will be sharing the 3 paths I have considered since I received this diagnosis on November 21, 2011. Although I have not actually tried all 3 of them in order to come to my decision, I have certainly let myself dive into what it would be like to experience all of them. Then I listen to feedback from my body, my feelings, and my intuition.

Perhaps the questions I will be posing are questions you yourself are dealing with right now, in your own walk on the challenging path of healing. My choice of healing path is a very personal one. Which means it is not in any way a path that I find everyone else should follow. As you read on, you might find more affinity with one or another, or with something entirely different. Trust your intuition.

Where you put your faith is your own personal choice, and that should be heard and respected. Healing will certainly come from where you put your wholehearted faith and your unwavering love.

The 3 Paths of Healing Presented to Me

1. The War on Cancer and on the Divine Body: Radio and Chemo

That was the first (and only) choice of treatment given to me by the 2 proctologists and 2 oncologists I was treated by or spoke with. The simple questions I posed about the possible side effects for the specific type and stage of cancer were not answered by 2 of them and minimized by the other two. “You’ll just experience some minor discomfort”, said a doctor who had been trying to help me by getting me into the Cancer Institute in Sao Paulo. She reinforced that I needed to begin treatment IMMEDIATELY, instead of trying to kill myself. For 3 days, Leigh and I accepted that I would need to go through this path.

2. The War on Toxins: The Gerson Therapy

Sometime at the end of those 3 days, when Leigh and I snuggled silently on the living room couch, trying to be at peace with the realization that we would have to go through something to “beat” this, I noticed a book laying horizontally on top of my bookshelf, on a pile I hadn’t touched in a long time. The title was: The Gerson Therapy: The Proven Nutritional Program for Cancer and Other Illnesses by Charlotte Gerson. On top of it, there was a CD entitled Healing Cancer from Inside Out, which Leigh’s dad had brought in his last visit.

We watched the movie. It left us speechless and certain that this was the way to go. A way much more aligned with me. Although it seemed something much more strict, long lasting and difficult to follow, my whole body and emotions responded to the idea of it with excitement and hope. We got off the couch, wiped our tears, and started a journey much more filled with life force than the one I thought was my only choice. In her blog, Leigh has explained what the therapy is like on a daily basis. In my second post in this series, I will explain what this therapy it feels like from an emotional and energetic perspective.

3. The Refusal of All Wars: John of God

We visited John of God in June and September of 2011, before I was diagnosed. Leigh felt strongly we should visit, and I was curious and certainly could use some healing.

Living with a psychic for the past 10 years has taught me not to resist her moments of strong intuition, so I usually flow with her suggestions quite happily, curious to see what’s to come.

The chronic skin irritation around my anal area had been there for 4 years already, and after one colonoscopy and 4 visits to American doctors who had given me creams to try to heal it, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try some spiritual surgery, whatever that meant. What has been happening to me there since we started going to John of God is something that is difficult to explain in words. One gift of this journey is that I am starting to learn how to let go of all the wars.

I am learning how to surrender to the richness of my life.

This is the first miracle I have been granted.

What Happens When You Do Everything “Right” and Still Get Sick?

When I visit raw food, vegan or health-oriented online forums, I occasionally run into posts that raise the uncomfortable question:

What happens when you do everything right for your health and still you end up with a serious illness?  If “Food is Thy Medicine,” why didn’t the medicine work?

Take my body, for instance. I have been eating mostly raw and live foods for almost 5 years, and my body was just diagnosed with anal rectal cancer. It is true that with the exception of 2 full years, I was not always 100% raw.  I was also raised in Brazil eating milk, meat and sugar in huge amounts, followed by years of antibiotics to fight all the issues created by eating that way and not taking proper care of my body in my 30’s. But for years I ate really healthy compared to most people.  So … “What’s up with that?”

I am doing a protocol for healing cancer–The Gerson Therapy–that involves heavy detoxification. I have been in communication with others who have done or are doing the same protocol and who experience really difficult and painful symptoms from the detox. Based on their stories, I was expecting to go through horrible side effects and flare-ups, like nausea, headaches, and dizziness – just a huge sick feeling all the time.

What I am experiencing, however, is nothing like that. Thankfully, I feel great, let’s say, 95% of the time, occasionally with a few light detox symptoms. I am certain that this is because I cared for myself by eating healthy live foods in the past years.  So regardless of the fact that my body’s got cancer, I am so thankful for raw foods, because it is making my process much easier.

We Are Much More Than Our Bodies

Raw-foodists are amazing because they are usually very engaged in teaching and helping people eat better. We ourselves have created a work where we help people experience live foods and all the changes that this way of eating can bring.

Sometimes, this excitement is so great and we become so focused on the body that our very identity (who we think we are, what defines us) becomes attached to our activity, or to the way we chose to eat. For example:

“We are vegans—unlike those carnivores who are probably less evolved than us!”

We get lost in fiery debates and sometimes quite aggressive discussions on the evil of this and that product, sometimes directly insulting those who think differently. Identification with form (the external) can also happen with the other extreme—people build an identity based on how they are “all about fun” and allow themselves to eat or drink anything. “I identify myself as someone relaxed, fun and open, who loves to eat and enjoys life even if that means taking the life of others.” Vegans are qualified as boring, lifeless people who can never relax and have a good time.

It doesn’t matter what side it comes from. We identify wrongness on one side and then our own unconsciousness sneaks from behind the very moment we identify ourselves by who we are or by what we do or believe. We create the “wrong” in others.

I wouldn’t be surprised to know that there are healthy raw foodists who at one moment or another thought:

“See, she wasn’t 100% raw…”

Or unhealthy eaters who thought: “See, there is no use in eating that way…I was right!”

How shocking it is when what we thought was keeping us from danger hits us right in the head, no matter which side we are on! To me, our disappointments stem not from doing this or that but from identification with form—with what we eat, who we think we are, our philosophies, or ideologies.

Thinking that the deeper life events that happen to us have to do with form at all is quite limited. My physical body with its physical laws is not ALL that I am. I believe that our bodies do not determine our identity. They do not reflect our Being-ness.

Hitler was very healthy physically and very concerned about the health of the physical body. However, look at his being….Hitler fully identified with form and immersed in the illusion of fear, separation, inferiority and superiority, right vs. wrong, us vs. them – he was immersed in unconsciousness and disrespect for life.

Yet other great and compassionate teachers and sages have struggled with difficulties with the physical body and gone through suffering, perhaps exactly in order to be able to fully dis-identify with form—to evolve.

Any time we start linking the identity of who we are with our physical bodies or even with our philosophies we will end up disappointed or in pain and suffering.

When my focus is on my body problem (the tumor), or when I am having sad thoughts and feelings, my body hurts. When my thoughts are more elevated, positive, hopeful and loving of others, my body actually stops hurting and I forget that my body has cancer.

The mortality of my body and its pains does not affect at all the immortality of who I am. Of course one affects the other, but the deeper confusion of the two levels seems to cause suffering.

So Where Do We Go From Here?

There are other areas besides our physicality (and what we eat) that determine one’s life experiences. There are experiences that are meant to accelerate growth and spiritual evolvement. This is where I feel myself going in a much more intense way.

I feel that I am growing by leaps and bounds through this experience that my physical body is going through. I am feeling more fully, the Being-ness that I am. I am here learning (in baby steps) how to be more in the present, how to see love where there was just the cloudiness of busy-ness…how to see God in the generous helps and thoughts and blessings of friends who I didn’t even know I had.

Maybe it is the death of who I thought I was.

If I don’t physically survive this experience, I sincerely believe I will be doing interesting work out there somewhere as my immortal self. I hope that I will feel happy knowing that I gave my mortal body healthy, energetic and beautiful food—food that helped me to be awake and aware enough to listen to life’s messages while going through difficult times.

If I survive physically—if it is the will of my Higher Being—I hope that I will be able to be a much better teacher. Having acquired cancer will feel more like a blessing, as every event in our lives truly is!

Thank you…

Words can’t express how grateful we are for your continued love and support.

Love and hugs from Brazil,

Helena and Leigh

THANK YOU!

Today I woke up to the scent of freshly brewed coffee on the stove, the sound of birds outside and the sight of those skies that you see in movies where bright golden rays slip through the clouds, coming from a blinding light pouring down from God or the Angels.

home

A huge wave of gratitude took over my whole body: gratitude for being alive and feeling well, for waking up in this beautiful place, and for having a partner who knows that I’ve been having a tough time sleeping and jumped out of bed before me at 6:30 to start the preparation of our day. Each day begins with a warm coffee enema, which I have to do 5 times a day as part of my healing protocol.

Did I mention that Leigh actually has to administer the coffee enemas? There it goes—out the window— the first of the Ego instruments I had to dispose of since developing anal cancer: PRIDE. And, like one of those rays coming through the crazy looking Brazilian clouds, Humility stepped in and granted me its grace, filling my heart.

Since this event happened, there have been many other things that have filled my heart. The strongest of all of them has been the HUGE outpouring of love and support that has, like magic, taken over every moment of my days since I came out with the news.

Yesterday I read all the amazing things you all have written on my blog and in Facebook. I held your faces and presence in my mind’s eye and I read each single message at least 3 times. Each one brought a huge flow of connection and love into our home and into our space, making Leigh and I cry several times from happiness and gratitude. Thank you, because your words were like a ray of Light that filled my cells with what I know will heal me: LOVE!

Many of you have asked how you can help.

Your prayers and expressions of support are more than enough. However, if you want to do something that takes less than 5 seconds and will help a lot—press the blue Facebook icon for this link (http://www.vivainstitute.com/2012/01/upcoming-online-courses-from-viva-institute-winter-2012/) and post it to your Wall. Over the past 2 years, we’ve developed 5 online classes on a variety of subjects. Teaching these classes allow us to work from home while we focus on getting me well!

Time to make the juice…

Helena’s Healing Circle

My Friends and Loved Ones:

I have news. I’m not labeling it as bad or good; because we never know what gifts challenging life events can bring us in the end.

The news is that I have been diagnosed with a very rare form of anal/rectal squamous cell carcinoma (translation: cancer). We believe that it’s Stage II or III b, depending on the results of the PET-scan that will come next week. Due to the location and the size of the tumor, it cannot be surgically removed.

We were shocked when we got the results on November 21. We cried. After visiting many doctors and specialists here in Rio, incessant research and study, and a lot of talking, we opted for a treatment that I truly believe in—a therapy called the Gerson Therapy.

Choosing My Treatment

The Gerson Therapy is a very strict protocol which focuses on strengthening the immune system and detoxifying the body. I am being closely followed by an amazing oncologist and hematologist who worked as a conventional oncologist for many years at Albert Einstein Hospital. Dr. Gustavo Vilela was trained in the Gerson Therapy at the institute in San Diego, CA.

I am also receiving healing through spiritualism and the work of the amazing angels of the Casa de St. Ignácio, through the work of medium João de Deus, in Abadiânia, Brasilia. This selfless man has been the channel for thousands of healings during his lifetime of service. I am truly certain that I will be healed by my faith and trust in God.

I am honoring my body enough to only allow thoughts, substances, food and practices that are aligned with Life and with what I believe in. Because of this, I feel positive, confident and determined this will be a positive journey. I await—with joy—all the things that I will be learning in this process, including the acceleration of my own spiritual and personal growth.

If I am to remain on this earth, it is only through the raising of my compassion and knowledge that I will be able to help others, which is my strongest desire.

Why Did I Get Sick?

Although no one has asked me directly, I have asked myself and know that people are wondering:

“Wow, if she eats so well and works with nutrition and healing, why has she developed cancer?”

We don’t know why we go through certain life experiences. I know that I will be able to see this more clearly one day. I have been told that if I hadn’t been eating so well this cancer would have spread a long time ago. It started as a chronic skin rash more than 5 years ago and was misdiagnosed by four different conventional doctors. This is the past.

Most importantly, I am becoming aware that I have my collection of old resentments (which are coming to light as I go through some pretty intense physical detox, interestingly enough!), along with stress and emotional blockages to clear up. I am already experiencing this as a humbling and difficult, but exciting process to go through.

So far Leigh and I have shared this with only a few people because we wanted to give ourselves some time digest the news, to let it sink in, to feel it, and to be more certain of the healing path to follow. In the beginning, we were too vulnerable and we didn’t want to rush into any decisions that were influenced by fear, panic and lack of information. So we waited, and our prayers and research have led us to this decision.

Gratitude and Love

With all my heart, I am grateful for the incredible support, care and dedication I am receiving from my soul mate and wife, Leigh Hopkins, whose healing love is so strong and overwhelming that I cannot ever express it in words. I thank the incredibly hard daily work and carinho of Gilvania, who works with us at Viva Institute and puts love and intention in every food and juice she is preparing for me.

I thank the incredible support and presence of my brother Marcelo, who is helping me in every single way possible, and the love and emotional support of my dear in-laws Nancy and Bruce Secker, who are our greatest cheerleaders in everything we do.  I thank my dad for his help and pray that Spirit comfort and alleviate his suffering ( I don’t have kids but can only imagine how hard it must be to a parent ). To my closest family members and friends (Dani, Caren, Made, Vanessa, Paty, Tiana and all of my Healing Circle friends) I can only tell you—THANK YOU!

I trust that my faith in God is the source of all Healing. This, and the help of my physical loved ones and non-physical guides, my own inner work and the natural abilities of my body to turn this around—this is what will get me through this—sooner, rather than later.

If you would like to follow my journey, click on “Join Helena’s Circle” on the right column at the top of this page.